So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
