my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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