i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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