Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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