found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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