I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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