Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
