Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
