Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
