you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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