Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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