Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
