nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
