he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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