Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
