I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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