But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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