I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
