He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize