You're my little dorito
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
