Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
