also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
