sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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