I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
