And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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