paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
