In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
