There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
