go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he shaved USA in his pubs
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
