my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
