halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
