I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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