i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
