Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
