K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
