im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize