My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
