he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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