I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
