So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
