you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
