Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
