I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
