She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
