We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
