just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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