you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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