i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
