i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
