did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she peed on how many people?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
