If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
why is half of my head shaved?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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