if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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