I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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