I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
