Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
