he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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