ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
