I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize