Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
